It was bright, shining, and clear. It was 9:00 a.m. The soft covers fell over her naked body as they always have; save for the fact she was alone. She touched herself first, over her breasts, then between her legs. She thought of him and their last time, however the thought faded, so she quit. She sat up sighing, sun pouring through the spaces between the threads of the curtains onto the knots in the wood on the floor. Looking out her window onto the west side of Cleveland, nothing had changed, which is why she loved it, which is why she stayed, which is why the city became her friend. She had become sick of the lonely hours, the tears and desperation, sick of wanting him, nursing him, missing him. Her thoughts were void. The balance of her breath and the stillness of the room exacted a confidence in her that she had not felt in sometime. She used to hate to shower when he was not in the apartment, however on this day, she let the drops run to her temperature, stepping in feeling every pour filled, the cleanse of the steam. Her neck was down with the water massaging it, as if it were a trusted hand this time blank, confident. She took on the water and the soap gently, cohesively, nothing weighing, nothing pressured, and she smiled at freedom.
Soaking wet she reached for her maroon robe. Ordinarily he would yell about the floor being wet if she had not dried off previously…”Fuck it, it s water.” She said today, walking around with the robe only on because it felt good. It was 11:38 a.m. on a Saturday. She sat on the edge of her bed with a quick shiver, then calmness. She took her comb to her brown hair combing it over and over for several moments, for several light breaths, the plastic massaging her scalp pulling her thoughts forward as to what the day might hold for her. She reached for her lotion covering herself to her ears. She took her moisturizer running it through her closed eyes, closed lips, her check bones, smiling with the cool sensation of replenishment. She laid back with unfinished hair still wet massaging her stomach.
“I can do anything today.” She said aloud. “Now what?” she laughed.
‘I can hit the flats. I can hit Lakewood. Ohio City could be nice? It’s so nice here right now.’ She thought.
Drying off she threw her robe taking to her top drawers. She took out the grey sweat pants, her favorite, lined with thick insides that she gushed at as they were pulled against her skin. Her second taking was from the lower drawer where she pulled a cut neck Brown’s tee. ‘Fuckin’ losers. But they’re my losers’ She said. Sitting back down on her bed, she thought of making it, eventually deciding against it. She found her phone, and dialed her friend. It was the only friend she thought of immediate, without a second guess. Her hair was only partially dry as she pulled it into a careless ponytail, wrapping it all up with a rubber band she found on her side table.
“Yes my love?” The voice picking up after two rings, almost as if the call was expected and wished for.
“I’m okay Kathleen.”
“I know you are sweetheart.”
“No…I mean, I’m okay.”
There was a long pause; there was muffled noise on both ends. Kathleen thought of all the pain and hurt all of it caused both of them. Then there was apprehension followed by an itch that made her wonder further, ‘was she okay?’ She cleared her throat before speaking.
“We should celebrate then.” Kathleen said.
“I was thinking…I just can’t come to anything.” She said.
“Why don’t we get you laid?” Kathleen said.
“I’m really not there yet. I mean…trust me…there’s a void…”
“Ya think?”
“Just not today. I just …want to enjoy the day.”
“How do you want to enjoy it honey?”
She thought delicately. She walked to the kitchen and looked around. Kathleen waited patiently knowing her, her process, and her place at the point of the silence. His face at that point invaded her mind, passing. Her heart did not hurt, her eyes were dry.
“You know what lady?”
“What sweetheart?”
She glanced at the clock on her stove…it read 12:07 p.m.
“I’m gonna sip the last of his whiskey.”
“Right now?”
“Right now. Just stay on the line with me.”
“No wait! I’ll come over!”
“Not yet. Just stay on the line.”
“Okay.”
“Do you have anything to join me with?” She asked.
“One sec…” Kathleen answered. “I had some of that bullshit Sangria from the other night.”
“It’s not bullshit today.” They laughed.
“You sound strong.” Kathleen said.
“K, I don’t feel strong. I just feel…content.”
She lay back down on the bed with her whiskey. Every sip brought a smile, and every exchange and breath with her friend, brought more smiles. She was not sure if she would ever leave the apartment that day, but she was sure that she was going to enjoy whatever she could.
The glass was bottom heavy, clean and smooth. The day was limitless as she sipped and spoke to her friend.
ScW
