Hey! A little story for you…
I rode the subway from Brooklyn to Times Square today, as I do every other week to see my corporate client, and almost the whole way I shared the train with this young woman who caught my attention over and over again. She was probably early twenties and came off as very timid. I first noticed her as she got on the train and apologized for making her way through a few people to get to the only open seat. She continued to apologize for every little move she made, all the way to her exit many stops later.
At least a dozen apologies, for doing nothing out of the ordinary on an NY subway car. In fact, she was being polite and courteous compared to many.
It made me think of a good friend of mine who visited last year. She, similarly, felt the need to apologize for her every move. And when I told her to stop apologizing, she apologized. You know the type.
Have you ever stopped to think what you are actually apologizing for? Are you sorry for taking up space? For being yourself? For having an opinion, or a basic human need, or a busy schedule with other priorities?
Are you apologizing for interrupting someone at work, even though you have a scheduled meeting? Are you apologizing when someone bumps into YOU?
This politeness might be learned from childhood, stemming from a need to please everyone or seem respectful, but it translates to low self-worth (both outwardly and in your own head), lack of confidence, some imbalanced relationship dynamics (always apologizing to your best friend for something?), and frankly, it becomes insincere and annoying over time.
Part of intentional living is being intentional with your words. Notice when you automatically want to apologize, and ask yourself if you really have anything to be sorry for. You may find more assertiveness, and begin to convince yourself you’re really not “in the way,” but you deserve to be here, too.
xo,
m.
Article via LazyWellnessCoach
